My weekend in preposterously shitty resort theming.

             My brother arrived in the country last week so we decided to head on over to a resort in Bataan and spend the weekend there. It was mainly a water park-ish kind of resort with lazy rivers and wave pools and shit but what really got me was the park's theming. I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING, it's like they just asked a bunch of grade schoolers to work their paper mache skills. Some of them were just downright scary. 

"A story of a young boy who stole his father's canoe wrecked it and he was taken by a bad stranger."

... this was probably written by a 6 year old too. 

I'm not very sure about this one either. I think they thought it would be a creative way for the visitors to heed the safety precautions but... just... how can you take something that says "HE WAS TRAPPED BY A GIANT CLAM AND FROZE TO DEATH" seriously!? I mean... GIANT CLAM. FROZE TO DEATH. FUCK LOGIC!

This monkey-squirrel hobo with a stump thinks your logic is invalid. 

"heavily punished"... lol must have been eaten by a clam too. 

Hilarious disney jungle cruise ride rip-off. Also, I'm assuming those guys are Nepalis what with their hats and all. 

This "pirate" was just scary.

It also reminded me of this old crazy lady who'd roam about the streets near my house arguing with herself. She constantly looked just as high as well. 

This fabulous pirate obviously has no problem flaunting his new H&M knee-high socks. 

This was the most hilarious pirate of them all. Look at its face, it's like it knows it did something wrong like stole from the crew's pantry...

...or inserted things into his forbidden places. Is that an eggplant though? otherwise they can both be true. 

BE COOL MAN, BE COOL. 

Also, hands down, the most incorrect thing I've seen in a long time. I don't... I don't even know. 

This is Enzo, a Filipino pirate apparently...

and his brother, Kiel with a limp sword. 

rubbing LeShontrelle for good luck. 

In the midst of all my academic chaos, this was the perfect breather for me. I can't wait for summer!